The Rumor Report

It sucks to be John McCain these days.  First he loses the election, no thanks to Caribou Barbie.  And now, “news” about his wife’s indiscreet love-affair with another man are leaked to the “press.”

According to the latest issue of the Enquirer, such a respectable and reliable publication, Cindy McCain is having an affair!  And they have the pictures to prove it.  Albeit, the pictures are of a grainy, low-quality, the witness who snapped the photos assures the Enquirer that, it is none other than Cindy.

Here’s what the witness has to say:

“I couldn’t believe I was watching Cindy McCain passionately kissing and hugging another man!”

That’s the stunned reaction of an eyewitness who says he watched in shock - and snapped photos - as the former presidential candidate’s wife romantically kissed a long-haired man who resembles “a washed-up ’80s rock musician.”

The article goes on to say:

“To my amazement, Cindy had her hand on his shoulder and was kissing him passionately on his lips,” the photog told THE ENQUIRER.

A second witness spotted Cindy and her “mystery man” at a Moody Blues concert “passionately kissing and hugging.”

“I couldn’t believe it. I remember thinking, ‘Go get a room!’

“They kissed and cuddled. While other concertgoers stood up to cheer and sing, Cindy and the guy remained entwined in their seats,” the eyewitness.

It’s really hard to tell from the pictures if that’s really Cindy McCain or not.  The woman in the photos could be any old, skinny white lady with long blonde hair.  Maybe this is a case of mistaken identity, and Mrs. McCain will set the record straight.

Until then, we’re running with the rumor.  Get the whole scoop in the latest issue of the National Enquirer.

Well, maybe…$55 million for Johnny Depp to play Captain Sparrow- again! Don’t get me wrong, I love the Deppster as much as the next girl, but $55 million to watch him swagger about like crusty old Keith Richards- that’s just ridiculous! Just where is Hollywood getting all it’s gillions of dollars from anyways? Could they be printing their own currency? Ok, we know that the world LOVES the Pirate movies, and they made Disney booko-bucks, but $55 million? So, with that kind of money and proven success rate, why isn’t the government turning to Hollywood for help with the economic-meltdown? Clearly they have their stuff together in La-La Land, no economic crises there. What could the government learn from the movie industry? Make movies, raise funds. Here are some suggestions guaranteed to be hits:

The Dark Knight- You can’t go wrong with a super-hero movie, especially one inspired by the summer’s blockbuster hit. A Joker-like villain and his ghouls wreak havoc in “Capital City” and only the Dark Knight can save the day.

Pennsylvania Avenue Pit Bulls- A lovable, wise-cracking pit bull is lost in D.C. and she has to find her way back home to the Adirondacks, but first she must escape from evil dog-nappers who plan to ransom her. Talking dogs, a silly premise, and celebrity voices are a fail-proof formula that works for Disney time and again.

Forgetting Sarah Palin- A romantic-comedy for the stoner crowd, based on Judd Appatow’s summer hit. An ambitious small-town politician dumps her loser boyfriend in the hopes of making it to the White House. But things don’t go as planned for the title star, when her running mate turns out to be a dud. Will the boyfriend take her back? Wait a minute, I think we’ve seen this one already…

Arctic Thunder- Four wash-outs try to revive their political careers by starring in an action film set in the Arctic, their mission is to stop renegade, environmental terrorists from saving the polar bears and interferring with a big oil company, trouble is they think they’re still shooting a movie. Lots of slap-stick and bathroom humor guarantees box-office success.

It recently occurred to us at rumorreport.com to wonder what exactly will become of la Palin after Nov. 4 in the event that she is not elected VP. Of course, to state the perfectly obvious, she still has plenty of time to serve in the Governor’s mansion. But we do wonder what other opportunities might await the woman of the hour - here are a few ideas that cross our minds (in order of increasing likeliness):

	Sarah Palin permanently joins the cast of SNL Not very likely. Not likely at all. Yes, SNL enjoyed it’s best ratings since Nancy Kerrigan - but at a terrible terrible price. Perhaps you didn’t notice, but it seems that the SNL writers put so much focus on the Palin skits that the rest of the show suffered awfully. In fact, the quality was so low that it reminded us much of the malaise that SNL was in during the early 90’s when Kerrigan showed up for her visit…… Beyond this, we will disagree with the vast majority of…well, everybody, and observe that Palin seemed irritated, annoyed, and generally uptight for much of her appearance. Her body language seemed hostile and resentful. I could have sworn I was watching my high school science teacher pissed off at her rowdy class this last Saturday Night. I think somehow that Palin’s comedy days are already over.
	Presidential Run in 2012 Although many believe that Palin will be well positioned for a 2012 run, we at rumorreport.com could not disagree more. It seems that (rightly or wrongly) much of the blame for a failed 2008 McCain bid will fall squarely on Palin. Would you like a preview? Click here to read what Republican Ken Adelman recently said about McCain’s choice of Sarah Palin (scroll to 2nd item). Beyond this, a 2008 loss would most likely cause the Republican party to undertake some serious soul searching with an ultimate goal of striking out on a new path. We simply don’t see Palin being re-invited to this party.
	Senator Palin, Governor Palin, or Citizen Palin? Debate amongst yourselves: Can Palin return to Alaska and seize a second term as governor? She began this race as one of the most locally popular governors in the county but she has since been dealt the blow of a major investigation and with being the great polarizer on the campaign trail (thanks John!) Indeed, Palin may find that any bi-partisan support she enjoyed a mere 6 months may have blown away like so many snowflakes. On the other hand, Palin will probably return to Alaska having learned every trick in the book. But don’t take our word for it - click here to read what Alaska is saying (be sure to check out the +430 comments on this article!) Yet another possibility is that Palin will set her sites on the senate seat opening in 2010. This is a strong possibility, particularly if Palin would like to position herself for a presidential run in 2012. We wonder however if perhaps Sarah Palin won’t take an early retirement from politics to focus on other opportunities - read on…….
	Time’s Person of the Year Stranger things have happened and stranger choices have been made for this ‘distinction’. Although the obvious choice in ‘08 may seem to be a triumphant Barack Obama, the fact of the matter is that Palin may be one of the most instantly popular news sensations in recent history - certainly in the arena of politics. Also, let us not forget that while we could always see Obama win this title in future years, Sarah Palin’s time in the sun may fade much faster. Photo by Comandante Agi
	Sarah Palin Writes a Book. Or Many Books. See articles here and here. Indeed, others are already writing tongue in cheek pieces for her, such as The Secret Diary of Sarah Palin. How could she NOT sign a book deal? Photo by by Poldavo (Alex)
	The Sarah Palin Show Our best guess and strong gut feeling is that Sarah Palin will “go directly to TV”. This almost seems inevitable at this point. Could anyone on the planet possibly garner higher ratings as a conservative commentator? We doubt it. Stay tuned, we practically guarantee that there will be a TV show/Book deal with Fox News announced in the near future. The only question in our minds: will Tina Fey be invited to the show?

Poor Sarah Palin, the press media just won’t let up with the rumors and lies, they keeps us at the edge of our seat, anticipating the next juicy tidbit about America’s favorite Maverick. But before the Palin-McCain camp unleashed their smear campaign against Barack Obama, Sarah Palin was already the victim of some pretty vicious rumors. This election has proven to be the most entertaining and frightening spectacle of a political circus, thanks mostly to Mrs. Palin. But this November when it’s all said and done, we’ll have some precious memories of Decision 08. Here’s a rundown of our favorite Sarah Palin rumors.

1. Sarah Palin had an extra-marital affair with her husband Todd’s business partner Brad Hansen. Both parties adamantly deny any extra-marital hanky-panky, but judging from her affinity to goatees and to gun-toting, snowmobile-driving rednecks, one would easily make that assumption.
2. Sarah Palin shoots wolves and polar bears from a plane. Ok, call her Elmer Fudd in heels, but don’t call her unethical. Even hunters have code of conduct or something, right?
3. Sarah Palin faked her pregnancy of Trig in order to cover-up daughter Bristol’s pregnancy. I wouldn’t put it past her to do something this extreme, who wouldn’t want to cover up the fact that abstinence-only sex ed is a failure, especially if you’re the one implementing it in the first place, but to fake a pregnancy?
4. Sarah Palin’s seventeen year-old daughter was impregnated by her own father. We can’t believe that someone would stoop so low as to suggest something this vile, but it’s out there, though we had ahard time finding where this ugly rumor got started.
5. Sarah Palin’s youngest son Trig is an alien baby. This one is really disturbing, although luckily it never really quite took off. The youngest of the Palin brood has been subject to so much speculation it’s not surprising this would make it to the blog-osphere.
6. Sarah Palin is the Anti-Christ. That’s a really bad one, despite suspicions that she bears the sign of the beast under her porno-rrific bouffant, this one is totally untrue. Although, it does make you wonder.

Rumor has it that Bristol Palin can read. If mom Sarah Palin had been paying a little more attention to the books Bristol was reading, instead of shooting wolves form a plane she might’ve considered having “the talk” with her daughter. Oh well, that’s what happens when you take out Sex Ed from the schools and teach kids to say No to sex. So, we’ve compiled a list of popular young adult novels that could indicate your daughter (Willow) is getting her freak on. So, listen up Sarah Palin!

1. Boy Crazy by Hailey Abbott- An old-fashioned term for skank, Sarah Palin should’ve read the writing in the book.
2. The First Time by Francine Pascal- Sweet Valley High meets Judy Blume’s forever, but without the realism.
3. Prom Night: All the Way by Megan Stine- What better time to pop that cherry than prom night? you might want to get a chastity belt for Willow before letting her out of the house on prom night.
4. Easy by Kerry Cohen Hoffman- She’s not “easy”, she’s open-minded.
5. Lost It by Kristen Tracy- And never to be found again, this is what happens to your youth when you get knocked up at seventeen, take note Willow.
6. A Bad Boy Can be Good for a Girl by Tanya Lee Stone- Bristol Palin took this a little too literally, but I’m sure Levi has done wonders for her.
7. Doing It by Melvin Burgess- Sex, sex, sex, and more sex! Teen sex was never so blunt.

You know you’ve arrived when Larry Flynt makes a porno inspired by you. And that’s the case for Sarah Palin who will soon have an X-rated movie released inspired by her. And how could she not? The VP candidate has the look of a tarty librarian and the hair of a porn siren, she’s got all the right ingredients for porno magic.

This can’t possibly hurt the candidate’s chances for winning the erection, I mean the election, she’s got the vote nailed -no pun intended- with the horny, beer-drinking, rifle-slinging, average Joes. John McCain couldn’t have made a wiser choice for VP when he chose Mrs.Palin as his running mate. He knows the scoop: sex sells, and Palin is the poster child, wet-dream for middle aged, trailer-park-dwelling types who love eighties up-dos and women with guns in high heels.

Palin does an excellent job, in real life at appealing to lower denominator of American constituents already, so will this porn movie help to elevate her even more? It seems that this woman is immune to bad publicity. Even her train wreck of an interview with Katie Couric hasn’t had the repercussions it ought to have. And the SNL spoofing hasn’t appeared to have any real impact in how the media treats her. If anything the lines of reality have so been blurred that at times it’s hard to tell the difference between the real Palin and Tina Fey. And now the porno, which will no doubt be a hit, despite bad acting and cheap production could propel Palin into a whole different ballpark. Will American male voters make the distinction between the governor of Alaska and the porn star playing her? And do we need a Vice President who could inspire such trash?

This is surrealism at it’s purest. I can’t wait to see the movie, and I can’t wait for the elections. As the elections get nearer we have to ponder what kind of a society we have here: A sex-driven, woman-objectifying, pandering soceity that uses women’s sexuality to bring forth it’s own chauvinist agenda (i.e. the GOP and Larry Flynt).

Sarah Palin’s 17 year-old daughter is knocked up.

So this isn’t exactly a rumor anymore because Momma Palin stepped up and admitted that, shamefully, it is true that Bristol Palin is five months pregnant. Palin was quick to respond to this rumor because of a much nastier rumor about her was circulating in the media.

The nasty rumor? That Sarah Palin faked her own pregnancy to cover for her daughter. And that Palin’s infant son is actually…Bristol”s! All this sounds like something out of a Mexican telenovela. Like we said before, she has denied the rumors and has come clean about her family: pregnant teenage daughter, drunk driver husband, who knows what else this broad is hiding?

Maybe her hoofs?

And will the tabloids be on Bristol-bump watch?