Andre Agassi was wearing what appears to have been a Mullet-wig during the entire French Open in 1990. What is not yet known is why he selected such an awful looking hair-piece. By 1990, the mullet was pretty much dead (even in the shit-hole suburban town where I grew up) and he was pretty much not only a tennis champ, he was a cultural icon as well.

What gives Andre? You later convinced Brooke Shields to marry you (prior to Tom Cruise freaking out about her on Oprah where he apparently likes to go ape-shit), which is no small feat. Why such a bad toupee?

The answer lies in his memoir, “Open” in such scintillating lines like, “Every morning I would get up and find another piece of my identity on the pillow, in the wash basin, down the plughole,"  Obviously, the poor man had to overcompensate for this terrible tragedy that seems to befall roughly half of all men.

He also revealed in his memoir that he took crystal meth back in the day. Surprisingly, this is less of a revelation than the fact that he wore a wig in the first place, suggesting to me that maybe men need to realize that some of us women would actually prefer men with less hair than men with ridiculous wigs.