Clarifications and sincere apologies

Clarifications and sincere apologies

Clarifications from the blogger.


         Clarifications

 

I, the blogger, would like to clarify a few things and would like to apologize for certain posts that I may have written.

 

Rudeness to Celebrities:

 

I would not be as rude if I was famous enough to meet any of them in person so I have to be a bit snarky to get attention. 

 

A Regrettable Remark about Justin Bieber

 

 

We as a people do not want someone as cute as Justin Bieber to die to die and it was inappropriate to joke about that when someone reported that he died. And there is a lesson for me here, do not offend the Bieber fans. Who seriously RULE. 

 

Rudeness to Sarah Palin and Adoration of Levi Johnston

I may have overplayed the Levi Johnston aspect of the story a bit much. And, since, he is a hick and not a former rightful resident of the governor’s mansion, he’s probably not an ass hole that I would be attracted to. Unless of course I was forced to play naked quarters with him. 

 

Negative Comments about Victoria Beckham

 

Extremely difficult to retract given her uppity ways. 

 

 

 

Religion:

 

When I’ve written about the Religious Right and Sarah Palin, I am not factoring in all of the nice people I know who happen to be Christian. I also appreciate all of the good work many, but not all, Christian and other religious organizations do to provide for their communities. If you know of a good Church that can save my Heathen soul, please let me know. 

 

 

Barbie:

 

I apologize deeply to Barbie for my intense jealousy to her for her beautiful clothes and her lovely, lovely house that she built herself. I just hope she and Ken can figure things out. 

 

Sexist Comments:

 

 

I did say that Usher was sexy or something along those lines and have the slight impression that some men with less than fabulous abs might be offended by my comments. I’m not worried about offending them. 

 

If I offended Usher with my comments, I would like the opportunity to apologize to Usher in person. 

 

Bacon Comments:

 

I do not want more fat people eating more bacon just because they think it is cool. Buy Bacon Lube or Bacon lip gloss instead. 

 

Sex:

When I wrote previously about being attracted to people that I shouldn’t be attracted to, I meant men that were ass holes. I did not mean any of the gutter-like things that you may or may not be imagining based on your knowledge of Cup Chicks, the Stranger, and old Playboy issues. 

 

Not that it is really entirely any of your business. But since you, whoever you may be, are so incredibly fascinated with people who have sexual attractions to others, that’s my big confession. Should I do penance for that? 

 

I don’t think so. I’m not even Catholic.

 

I’m actually incredibly good at NOT sleeping with ass holes. It’s seriously been years since I’ve knowingly slept with an ass hole. I just don’t like them. It doesn’t mean that they aren’t attractive or that they aren’t charming or that they are Evil with a capital “E.”

 

The bad part, as I apparently should have clarified AT THE TIME I wrote about my sexual attractions, is that sometimes I want to sleep with guys who are douche bags. Which doesn’t necessarily give me a warm happy feeling at all. 

 

I know that in one of the sex capitals of the world--well, sort of--Las Vegas still rules--I’m definitely a Prude. We do have Dan Savage living here after all and he for sure ups the sex street cred ante of our little city by quite a bit. And there are tons of people with open marriages and blah, blah, blah, blah. 

 

But I’ve never even had a threesome. And, unfortunately for the curious, I’m not going to publicly share my fantasies or any of yours in writing. That’s your business. What you do, or have done, is your your own business. Unless you want it not to be.